You Don't Need To Be Called Out
You need agreement and commitment
Taking a break from my “teaching game” series. Back on it soon!
What do you do when you are expecting to be “called out” for being “unusual” but instead your scene partner just matches you?
My answer is that you don’t NEED pushback. You don’t NEED to be called out. All you need is someone who yes-ands and is emotionally committed.
It might help to use the term “weird world” scenes.
Whoops, I’m Not “Weird”
Like maybe it’s a scene in an office and you say “I know tomorrow is ‘bring your child to work’ day, but I don’t have a child so I’m going to bring my pet ferret.”
You’re expecting pushback, like “You can’t bring a ferret, that’s not a child!” You WANT to defend yourself. It feels funny if you are a lone weirdo in a group of “regular” folk.
But instead your scene partner says “That sounds great. I can’t wait to meet him.”
And you think “Well, I’m stuck. I was so sure they were going to call me out and they didn’t so now what?”
What can help: think of the scene as a “weird world” scene. Instead of YOU being the ONLY person who would bring a pet to the office, this is a company where EVERYONE does that.
Just keep talking about your ferret and how you’re hoping everyone will like him. Be excited that you’re in an office that accepts your ferret. Talk about past offices that wouldn’t let you. The scene will be great!
There’s No “Right” Response
Now you might feel that this response is not the “right” response. In my example, the initiator is worried about bringing the ferret and so therefore it seems like they know they’re doing a “weird” thing and so to treat it as “normal” is bad listening.
But I don’t like encouraging initiators to require a certain type of answer. There is NEVER just ONE right answer.
As long as your scene partner is listening, accepting the facts, and committed to the reality, it should work. They don’t HAVE to find you “unusual.”
Weird World Vs Crazy Town
What IS hard is if the responder ignores your choice and replaces it with an unrelated bigger weirder choice.
Like if you say “I know tomorrow is ‘bring your child to work’ day, but I don’t have a child so I’m going to bring my pet ferret.”
And the response is “My husband is a ferret.”
I call this, for lack of a more elegant term, “crazytown.”
It’s not a “weird world.” It’s breaking the rules of reality. It’s inspired by the initiation, but not really speaking to it. It‘s erasing your choice rather than building off it.
If I were the initiator in that example, I would accept it as a “very weird world” and just say “Oh you lucky, ferrets make such great husbands” and just hope we could figure it out.
Though it’s probably not going to be a fun scene because the second person has shown they will not yes-and and instead are just trying to ‘top’ other choices.
But the problem is not the lack of pushback. It’s the lack of “yes and.”
Weird World: If everyone is being unusual in the same way, or everyone is being unusual in ways that are inspired by each other’s moves, than you are in a “weird world” and it can be fun and work great.
Crazytown: If everyone is being randomly strange, where each character choice seems out of nowhere, and the tones are very different from each other, then this is “crazytown” and it’s no fun to watch. Everyone is basically in their own show. (I probably need a better word but this is the one in my head when I’m analyzing shows!)
The difference between “weird world” and “crazytown” is the “weird world” has “yes-and” and it has commitment.
Uncommitted Weird World
Another problem: someone tries to “yes” a weird thing but they do it without commitment. It sounds like a dismissive joke.
Once again, let’s say someone starts with “I know tomorrow is ‘bring your child to work’ day, but I don’t have a child so I’m going to bring my pet ferret.”
And in response someone doesn’t really take the choice in and instead just shrugs their shoulders and goes “great” and turns away to face their invisible computer.
It’s hard to communicate in a written-out example, but if they don’t really take the choice in and just respond with a dismissive joke —- this is not a weird world. This is an uncommitted scene.
But the problem is NOT that the second person was also “weird” — it’s that the second person didn’t really commit.
Voice Of Reason Is Also Good
I’m not saying you should NEVER call someone out. What I’m saying is: if you’re yes-anding and you’re committing to the reality, it will be a good answer — regardless of whether you “call it out” or “agree.”
Some people are very emotionally invested voices of reason. And they’re great. Someone says they’re bringing a ferret to work and they answer “Glen, it’s not your child! I’m worried about you. You’re too into this ferret.” And they are committed to the scene. They are familiar with this world. They also do not agree with the other character and are saying so.
Ultimately, whether you are voice of reason or unusual does not matter. If you’re committed and yes-anding then it will be good.
If you enjoy these columns, please consider supporting with a subscription! Or maybe pass it on to others who you think might like it! Thank you!
Please enjoy my draft comments after the end of the essay that I forgot to delete! :)
That’s very helpful. Thanks.