Things That Always Happen
persistent truths
In improv scenes, these things are always true:
If someone says “do you like this tie?” the answer is always “no.”
If someone says “will you marry me?” the answer is always “yes.”
Everyone has been at their job for 10 years.
Everyone has been married for 20 years.
Cups, pans and other housewares are in cabinets at the front of the stage. Power tools and bicycles are stored on the back wall.
All food is chopped on a counter downstage left.
Every bus stop is cold (shivering is the best way to show you’re standing outside).
Someone washing the dishes always becomes a fight.
Spouses are always frying eggs when the other spouse gets home.
All courtrooms have two stenographers.
Half of the women are named “Janice.” One quarter of the men are named “Gary.”
Smokers puff their cigarettes every five seconds.
Two people in a car are going to see the driver’s parents.
Every doctor is bad. Most lawyers are good. All cops walk slowly. Every teacher is divorced. Plumbers are happy.
Every football team is losing. All movies are sold out. Maitre d’s always have a table. But hotel concierges don’t have your room.
Anyone digging in a garden has a neighbor who has taken something without asking.
All dogs are nice. All birds are jerks. Improv cats are just like real life cats.
If two people are robbing a house, they will fight. But two people who come to the door together are happy.
None of these things are bad or cause problems. They just… are.
That’s it!
Our Space Is Starting
The school I co-own, The World’s Greatest Improv School, is starting shows in its new space this month! Wish us luck as we discover every strange thing about our new home. As I reported last week, we got our fundraiser fully funded! Thank you to everyone who gave! Come see us if you’re in LA!
Here it is after a day of working on it.
We’ve spent a lot of time over the last few weeks getting it ready. Lots of people have volunteered! It’s been fun.
Plugs, Ongoing
High Functioning - Ian Roberts and I do an hour of improv EVERY SATURDAY 7pm at the UCB Annex. See this video for Ian and I showing you where the UCB Annex is.
Clubhouse Fridays - WGIS’ weekly improv show. Fridays 7pm at The Clubhouse. Free!
The World’s Greatest Improv School: The improv school I run with Jim Woods and Sarah Claspell. We’ve got classes online, in LA and even a few in NYC!
How to Be The Greatest Improviser On Earth - My improv book, available at Amazon. Kindle or print. It’s a hodge-podge of advice I wrote in 2016 about doing improv. If you’re broke and want a free PDF version just email me and I’ll send it over.
Screw It, We’re Just Gonna Talk About Comics - Comic book podcast, hosted by my brother Kevin and I. We are about to start coverage of the little-known 1985 comic Watchmen (yes, THAT Watchmen). Subscribe for bonus episodes!
Screw It, We’re Just Gonna Talk About The Beatles - monthly deep dive on a little known indie band from Liverpool called The Beatles. Subscribe for access to back episodes!
The boss in the office has a last name, and it's always Johnson.