The Intensity Problem

hitting the guitar strings too hard

Aug 29, 2025

a close up of a thermometer in the sand — Photo by Immo Wegmann on Unsplash

When you’re learning something, you do it too hard.

I noticed this after I started guitar lessons a few years ago. I am bad at guitar. I did (and still do) everything wrong 100 times before I learned the right way.

One thing I did wrong was play too hard. My left hand pressed the strings down like I was expecting someone to rip my hand away. I strummed my right hand so hard it’s like I was mad.

It was impossible to get any speed, rhythm or feel. Everything I played sounded like a guitar being thrown down the stairs.

My teacher on the other hand, seemed to barely press the strings. He strummed lightly. Yet, his guitar sounded loud and sure.

That light touch comes with experience. Once you’ve done something enough, you do it only as strong as necessary.

I LOVE PICNICS

Certainly, the same is true when people learn improv.

To say yes, you say you LOVE IT at full volume! (Suggestion “picnic.” First line: “I LOVE PICNICS!”)
To play it real, you outright dismiss things regardless of reality or status. “Uh, boss, that’s not how employee reviews work.”
To be weird, you go way too big, probably being mean or stupid. “Anyway, you have cancer. Want a smoke?”

A coach can help. I’ll side coach people to “turn down the heat.” Or I’ll simply say “try it 10% less.”

I don’t note it too hard. These moves are trying to do the right thing. They’re just too much.

Newbies and Vets

A bigger problem is when you have newer people and seasoned people in one class.

Pretend you’re an improv teacher and you’re doing a festival, and your workshop is paying for your travel and lodging. So they accept a wide variety of students to ensure the workshop sells out. I don’t mind this at all, but the seasoned performers can get impatient.

Suggestion: picnic.
Person 1: Dear, do you think your mother expects us to dress up for the barbecue tonight? Or can I keep it casual?
Person 2: WIFE, I LOVE BARBECUES. WEAR WHAT YOU WISH.

And I’ll say “Person 2, that’s a little intense. You probably wouldn’t say “wear what you wish.” And you don’t have to say ‘wife.’ Just say what you would say.”

Person 1: Dear, do you think your mother expects us to dress up for dinner tonight? Or can I keep it casual?
Person 2: I think barbecues are cool. Wife. (looks at you to make sure they fixed it)

Good enough. You nod and move on.

Then after the class is over, Person 1 approaches you and asks “Hey, could I talk to you? About my scene, I didn’t know what to say there.” And what they really want you to say “Yeah, that other person sucked.”

But here’s the thing: the other person (Person 2) didn’t actually suck. They just were too intense. They had the right idea. It was just too intense.

The Answer is Always “Yes And”

If you’re playing with someone who is just too intense, the move is to yes-and the intention.

Person 1: Dear, do you think your mother expects us to dress up for dinner tonight? Or can I keep it casual?
Person 2: I think barbecues are cool. Wife.
Person 1: Thank you. Husband.

The answer to almost all “what should I have done in that scene?” questions is some version of “say yes to it.”

Plugs

The World’s Greatest Improv School: The improv school I run with Jim Woods and Sarah Claspell. We’ve got classes online, in LA and even a few in NYC!
How to Be The Greatest Improviser On Earth - My improv book, available at Amazon. Kindle or print (also on my web site for more if you don’t want to buy from Amazon). It’s a hodge-podge of advice I wrote in 2016 about doing improv. If you’re short of funds and want a free PDF version just email me and I’ll send it over.