This is a condensed/edited version of part of an essay I wrote about being funny some time ago.
It’s concerned with knowing how weird to be when you’re being funny.
Like, you know you need to say something funny or at least interesting. How weird is too weird?
This essay is about that.
The Clock Method
To sum up: being funny is about saying the right thing most of the time, and then saying the wrong thing.
What is the “wrong” thing? Here is the world’s worst and most useless explanation.
Imagine a clock. An analog clock with numbers. The numbers on the clock are a scale of “weirdness of things you could say.” At NOON are things you say when you’re just trying to blend in. And all down the side are increasingly weird things to say. Until you arrive at six — that’s the exact opposite of normal. For the sake of this metaphor, there is no left side of the clock.
Let’s say someone asks you “what are your plans after college?”
At “noon” you have normal answers like this:
“I just don’t know. Get a job, figure things out.”
“I’m looking for engineering jobs — hopefully on the west coast.”
“For right now, moving home. But I want to be in New York as soon as possible.”
Right? Pretty normal.
Move a bit away from noon down the clock, into weirder answers. Let’s say you’re at 2 (10 minutes away from “normal”). Then you’ve got answers that are a bit odd, but still somewhat attached to reality. These are fun.
“For me, it’s all about good loving. I’m looking for ladies.”
“I’m into changing personalities. New person every day.” (Thumbs pointed at own head)
“Married immediately. Currently very single.”
Move still farther away from noon, like 4. You are 20 minutes past noon, a full ⅔ of the way away from normal. Now stuff is downright strange, almost nonsensical.
“I want to jitterbug, jitterbug, jitterbug. Live free. Roaring twenties. Gatsby!”
“Let’s do something. Move in with me. What’s your name again?”
“It’s the HORROR, the HORROR!” (claws at face)
These might read as fun here in this article, but in conversation and in improv scenes they tend to NOT WORK. TOO WEIRD.
At the very bottom, 6pm — you have the OPPOSITE of normal. There’s usually a lot of ways for an answer to be the very opposite of what you expect. These “opposite” answers make more sense than the previous batch. The mirror image of normal still looks normal, it’s just pointed in the wrong direction.
“What I’m looking into carefully now is more debt.”
“I may just go blue collar: janitor, food processing plants, maybe retail. Fuck it.”
“Just sit at home and not think too much, be as stupid as possible.”
These do work. There is a logic to them, because they are commenting on what is “normal/expected.”
But they’re too on the nose.
12 Minutes Past The Hour
Okay, so what’s the funniest answer? The funniest answers are like 12 minutes past the hour. Weird but not too weird. I will often picture a clock face when I’m doing improv and I know I have to make a funny move, and I’ll feel out an answer that feels just about 12 minutes past. Don’t over swing.
So in response to “what are your plans after college?” some “12 minutes past noon answers” are:
“Hopefully, start at the very bottom.”
“Live with no morals. Like, HARD.”
“Date an heiress, or join a band. At night! By day, it’s accounting all the way.”
Yes, I do this. When doing improv, when having conversations, I will often picture a clock.
Try it, and see how it goes.
Unfair Generalizations
When I read essays like this one about being funny there will come a time when the author drops a generalization — like RULES for being funny. “Use the “k” sound,” “follow the rules of threes” — that kind of thing. I’ve read stuff that sounds crazy to me. I read somewhere in an otherwise terrific book on doing better auditions, that in comedic scenes you should never make eye contact, which sounds insane to me.
Who would be so audacious as to offer rules for being funny?
Here are mine.
Quiet is funnier than loud.
Serious is better than grinning.
When in doubt, do less.
When it’s time to do physical comedy, pretend you are holding the attention of a three year old child.
When trying to make up a funny thing to say and you have zero ideas, compare a person to an animal. “I feel like a falcon. You’re giving me the vibes of a butterfly.”
Change emotion abruptly, then go right back. “What a nice day! Oh wait no, there’s also DEATH. Eh, actually, I’m fine.”
Agree with accusations. “You know, I AM lazy.”
Give a shit.
“Have you thought about what kind of tacos you want?”
“Yes, deeply.”Or sometimes completely shrug things off.
“Have you thought about what kind of tacos you want?”
“What? (furrow your brow like you’re completely stunned) I don’t CARE.”The ‘ol hesitation pitch: put a pause in a sentence at random. “For dinner I’d….like turkey.”
Non round numbers are funnier than round ones. “Be there in five minutes” is plain but “Be there in just over four minutes” is ever-so-slightly more fun.
Never maximize examples. Use examples that are one notch below the maximum.
“I should write a letter to the lieutenant governor!”
“My dream would be to win a silver medal in the Olympics. The winter Olympics.”
“What would you do if someone just gave you nine hundred and fifty thousand dollars?”
That’s all I got. That’s how to be funny.